Potential mail order bride.com
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2010 at 10:00 a.m. MSD
I’m in a bit of bind. I’m sure Papa sold me to someone so he could go on a cruise with Mama. I
don’t want to be someone’s prize. I want freedom. Please help. Please, Nana, please!
Sent: Sunday, May 31, 2010 at 12:00 p.m. MSD
My little one,
I’m so sorry about this. I knew my son was a bastard but pwet. I spit on him. I can’t believe he
did this to you. All for cruise. Your father has always been about money. Which he doesn’t have.
Talk to that nice boy Vladik and see if you can find any specific website you were sold to. Let
me know progress.
When I see my son next….oooh….he pay.
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2010 at 1:00 a.m. MSD
I was informed that I am going to be mail order bride today. To me, that’s worse than my Papa giving me away to old man whose wife just died that lives who lives near us. I rather be sold to our neighbor, Vladik Melnikov, at least he’s not that much older than me and he’s nice.
I write to you, Madam, because your name was the only one I could find on this Web site, mailorderbridez.com. It looks like a database for the mail order bride system. I am hoping this is the right Web site, but as I Google “mail order brides” I see that there are at least 100 more entries.
I am sure you have a mail order bride association or club of some sort to forward the letter to. I speak English well, I know. I think that is why I am being sold. I’m not cattle nor am I horse. I’m sure you understand. I am not property. I am a human with feelings.
My sister still doesn’t believe me. This isn’t the first time something like this happened. I wasn’t always the oldest child. I had an older brother years ago, Luka. He was nine years older than me and a soldier of war. Luka always protected me as a child. I remember once down by the wharf that my Papa tried to sell me for cattle and a couple of coins. Luka argued with my father, picked me up off of the ground into his arms and placed me at my Babushka’s house for
two weeks until Papa came to his senses. She and Dedushka didn’t believe in selling children at all. Their house was safe and in the middle of nowhere. That was over fifteen years ago. It’s just me and my younger sister, Anna. She doesn’t believe Mama and Papa would do what they’re doing. She’s seventeen and immature.
I will be twenty-two in another seven months and Luka died defending the country in the Russia-Georgia war, the new Cold War a year ago. Now I am fair game again.
My Papa told me I was sold for more money than he can count. He and my mama are already planning trips to Croatia with the money. Croatia! I am sure you are curious. So was I. They said it will get them out of country and they have wonderful nude beaches according to
Papa. I know you didn’t want to know that, but neither did I.
That’s not why I’m writing, though. I am due on a plane through overnight express. At least that’s what your confirmation said. I have a couple of questions. One, can I get out of this?Two, if not, can you please not mail me overnight express in a box? I would like to travel in
style. Massages, champagne from France not the cheap imitation from America, and new clothes.
And if it’s not too much to ask, can the man be rich and handsome like Johnny Depp and not old and decrepit like Sean Connery? I know it’s a lot to ask, but please try.
P.S. I hope my parents’ boat sinks and the trip is a disaster.
Sent: Wednesday, June 3, 2010 at 8:05 a.m. MDT
Dear Ms. Portinsky,
I am sorry to hear that you have been sold. But many women lead profitable lives as mail order brides. Just look at the blonde Russian on that one modeling show. I think she has the same name and is married with a child. I am sure it’s not that bad.
All the best,
Senior Office Assistant
Mail Order Bridez, Inc.
Sent: Wednesday, June 3, 2010 at 12 p.m. MSD
Not that bad? Have you ever been sold? Probably not. Your life can’t be as hard as mine was. Your parents didn’t try to give you away more than once. You didn’t have to fend for yourself and you weren’t always thought of as property and not as someone with feelings.
As for that modeling show, I know her. Went to school with her. Not too bright. She’s money hungry. He makes millions and does whatever he wants. She says its love. I don’t believe. I don’t want to be sold either. Smarter than that.
Sent: Wednesday, June 3, 2010 at 1:05 p.m. MDT
Dear Ms. Portinsky,
I am sorry! I didn’t mean to insinuate that you were stupid and men only wanted you for your looks. I am sorry that your life was horrible. I wouldn’t know where to begin.I don’t think anyone should go through that, but I know it happens. To tell you the truth, I am only working at
this company to put myself through grad school. I plan on publishing a couple of books when I am done with this job.
Unfortunately, there is not a mail order bride association that I can forward your letter to. Your parents sound like morons. I can, however, tell you our top competition’s Web sites.
Bridal Agency is actually one of the largest companies. I would try all the other one’s first to rule out the competition. Bridal Agency actually costs the most and your parents sound cheap…but I would still try them, anyway.
I am so sorry I couldn’t be of more help.
All the best,
Senior Office Assistant
Mail Order Bridez, Inc.
Sent: Thursday, June 4, 2010 at 12 a.m. MSD
Apology accepted. Thank you for information. My sister insists I’m making this all up. She says I’m completely bezumnyi, insane. I don’t know what moron means. I think idiot or in Russian, Doorak. Did you know that the whole reason I was sold in the first place was because my Papa ran into some problems with the mob?
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 8:00 a.m. EDT
Dear Ms. Portinsky,
We are a family run business that is committed to providing great value and service to our clients all over the world. We are only Romance tour company to be founded, owned and operated by a Russian/American couple; giving us a degree of insight and expertise that cannot be matched by our competitors. Our owners, Daniel and Anya Svetlana, met in 1980 through and introduction service themselves and were married a year later.
You are not in our database. If you change your mind we can arrange a romance for you.
Sveta Alexeyev: Senior Manager
Real Woman International
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 3:15 p.m. MSD
Dear Ms. Alexeyev,
Romance company? You make me laugh. Ha. Romance is found. If I wanted arranged marriage, Vladik would have had his way many years ago. I am sure I would learn to love the person I am arranged to marry, but I wouldn’t be in love with them right away.
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 8:46 a.m. EDT
Not everyone feels the way you do. I suppose I understand. However I think it’s stupid not to marry one of our men. We do have a wide selection of them. It’s like giant candy store, a database filled with sugar daddies. Keep that in mind.
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 4:00 p.m. MSD
Dear Sir or Madam,
I need your help. My patience is thin. I have been sold, but I don’t know who to. I need a refund if it was to your company. I’m done playing games. Refund now.
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 3:17 p.m. MSD
Dear Ms. Portinsky,
You are not in our database. Besides you wouldn’t make good wife material. Good wives never speak out of turn and they never get short. If you were in our system, I would give you refund immediately. As a Good Wife girl, you are supposed to obey husband in every way. I fear you don’t know how to do that.
Anna Novikov, Senior Operator
Good Wives, Inc.
Sent: Saturday, June 1, 2010 at 3:30 p.m. MSD
I would not want to be part of your company. Yes, I speak mind. It’s called modern times. We do not live like caveman.
Sent: Sunday, June 6, 2010 at 10:00 a.m. MSD
As you can see from above e-mails, no one help. Do you know of anyone I can talk to? Anyone?
Sent: Sunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:00 p.m. MSD
My little one,
There is one girl I know of. Your Dedushka used her a couple years ago when he got into trouble. She’s nice enough. Her name… Olga. She meets people every day around 5 p.m. on the abandoned pier near the boat docks. You can catch her then. She has dark raven hair and wears
sunglasses even when the sun goes down.
You could talk to Vladik still. He is nice boy Natalia. Give him chance.
My Babushka was right. Vladik was nice. He just wasn’t my type. He was always there for me even after my brother Luka was killed in combat.
I hated those docks. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Air was salty; almost too sticky. I was scared, trembling, alone hiding behind Papa who took money from man. Told him I was now wife. I should be proud. He was pleased. I was virgin.
Papa grabbed wrist so tight that he left red blotchy marks. I didn’t want let go. I cried. I pleaded. “Please, Papa. Please.” He said it was my duty to earn keep and looked out into ocean. “Mama, Mama, Mama,” I shouted. “Please I’ll be good. I’ll make myself ugly. Please Mama.”
She looked away, acted as if I was invisible. Mr. Perec took out knife and made long marks on my arms to show that I was his. Blood dripped everywhere. I cried out in pain.
Had my brother, Luka, not gotten off the docks early that day, I wouldn’t be virgin anymore. Luka grabbed the money out of Papa’s hands and tore it to shreds. “Shame on you,” he said. He spit on gravel Papa stood on. Luka picked me up. Papa tried to follow, but Luka
turned around, looked Papa straight in the eyes. “No,” he said. We walked away and stayed with grandparents. I stayed there till parents took me back. I was eight, almost nine.
Now I had to go near same docks and find out how to reverse what Papa and Mama had done. They sold me, again, for money to pay off house and take Mama to Croatia. Papa shouted out the car window as he drove away to take Mama on cruise, “Earn keep.”
Babushka was right. Olga was right where she said she’d be: on abandoned pier near
the boat docks.
“Olga?” I asked.
“Who is asking?” she said.
“Natalia,” I said. “I have dilemma. Babushka Portinsky said you’d be person to talk to.”
“Ah, yes,” she said. “Nice people.”
She extended her hand out to me. I shook it. “Name is Olga Kozlov. How can I help?”
“My parents sold me, but I don’t know who to. Can you help me find out who?”
“For fee, anything can be done. I like your Dedushka. I give you reduced price, 250 rubles. Normally I charge 500-600 to find information. Meet me back here tomorrow at noon. I will have information for you.”
“Spasiba, Olga, spasiba.” I hugged her. She froze, but eventually embraced the hug.
I couldn’t sleep all night. I went to the docks early and when it was close to noon I
walked over to the abandoned pier.
“I found out information. You were sold. Your flight leaves in two days. Since your Papa already cashed the money and is gone, you have no choice. You don’t go on plane, they will find you. They mean business. I know them personally,” Olga said.
“What can I do?” I asked.
“You can find someone your age that will go in your place. You have two days to either be at the international airport in Moscow or have a friend go in your place. She needs to be under 25. She will meet me there. I will take them to plane. Sorry it couldn’t be any other way.”
“I will find someone,” I said.
Olga started to talk to new customer. “Wait,” I said. “How much would it cost to make someone disappear?”
“Meet me at Traktir restaurant tomorrow. I will tell you then,” she said. There was only one person who I knew could help me; neighbor, Vladik Melinkov. All of my friends think he’s eye candy. He reminds me of Johnny Depp a bit from far away. He’s only five years older and successful businessman. Sometimes he stares into my eyes. I hate that.
Lucky for me, Vladik was home from business trip for couple of days. He said he could help. My brother always said he was nice when he was alive. I told him what my parents did. He gave me some money, a thousand rubles. Said it was to help me get out of the mess I was in. No strings attached.
Vladik’s good friend, Galina Losev, agreed to go in my place. Lucky for me she’s always wanted to marry American man. My sister, Anna, wanted to go, but I said over my dead body. She’s smarter than that and I have to be good big sister and watch out for her. She has brains most of the time except right now.
I met Olga for coffee the next day. She was happy to hear that I found someone to go in my place. She finally told me it was her company I was sold to. She just didn’t want to startle me. Her company does various transactions. I asked her again about how much it would cost to make someone disappear.
She said for right price anything could be done. I told her don’t kill them. Just strand them in Croatia with no money so they have to find way home without anything. She only charged me another 250 rubles. Said she hated people like Mama and Papa; considered it charity case. I told Olga if I had other problems I would come back to her. She gave good customer service.
I tried to give Vladik the rest of the money back, but he said to keep it for trip. He said he bought me ticket to Australia. He said I could stay as long as I wanted. The Flight number was 4589. He had everything set up and ready to go. He wanted me to find man of dreams. He said it was what Luka would have wanted as well. He promised me he’d keep an eye on Anna who had already started e-mailing those bridal companies. Vladik said she thought it was good idea. He told me she will learn. Hopefully. He said he and Anna would be here when we got back. Babushka was right. Vladik is nice man. Maybe I’ll come back and marry him someday.
Vladik sent me e-mail the other day. He said that my Babushka stopped by the other day with some yummy Baklava. She said it was thanks for helping me. He loves my Babushka. He also said the last time he spoke to parents; they said my Papa and Mama were still lost. They were somewhere in Syria. Must have made wrong turn at Belarus.
Made me happy. Bastards paid.
Death by fly swatter
“Honestly officer,” I said. “I don’t know how that fly swatter got in my hand.”
Who would have thought hitting my abusive ex-boyfriend with a fly swatter would land me in jail? I pounded on the bars.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“Lady,” the officer said, “I thought I had seen everything, but death by ayswatter…now I’ve seen it all.”
“Well to be fair,” I said. “It wasn’t just the fly swatter that killed him. It was the fan with loose wiring, that was turned on, that fell when I accidentally hung onto it to get away from my ex-boyfriend’s hand.”
I did hit him with it, but it was me hanging off of that dang fan that did him in. It was his fault. He was supposed to fix it weeks ago like I had asked.
“I swear I was just trying to kill a fly, a really big horsefly.”
When I realized that Officer Goody wasn’t paying any more attention to me I just sat back down at the edge of the cot and stared up at the ceiling. Dried up crust stuck on the bed. I didn’t want to lie down completely and find out what it was. Deep down, I already knew.
I didn’t stare at the ceiling for long. There was a buzzing near my head. I whackedat it, but it was persistent. Where was that fly swatter when I needed it? That fly even flew in and out of Officer Goody’s mouth and he didn’t even notice it. Officer Goody had eaten a roast beef and onion sandwich earlier. I’m sure it was the stench he was giving off that attracted that fly. He gave new meaning to “Catching Flies.” It was just nasty.
The only thing I kept thinking was that I had to explain this all over again to a judge. Would they even believe me? It wasn’t my fault. He deserved what he got. There was no denying that.
I stayed awake and waited till the sun came back up. Officer Goody was still there. I thought shifts would have switched by now. Then again, it was a small town though in the middle of nowhere. They made up the rules as they went along.
“I have good news,” he said. “The judge dismissed it.”
“Really?” I said. “How is that possible?”
“Apparently, your boy had lots of girlfriends before you; all of whom had cases against him. Judge had heard all of them. He was laughing because he didn’t think that’s how Billy would die.”
Officer Goody opened the cell door.
“You’re free to go,” he said slipping his number my way.
I just smiled and walked away. Maybe if he got that wicked breath of his under control he might have potential, but even the damn fly knew better.